If you are like millions of people around the world, if you are like me, then self-confidence wasn’t something you were magically born with. For many of us, it is something that we desperately want, but it can seem elusive. It doesn’t have to be that way. There are things you can do to build confidence every day.
Over a decade ago I spent 3 years on the couch of a lovely therapist asking her how I could feel confident. I wasn’t even quite sure what confidence was, but I could tell those who had ‘it’ seemed happier, bolder, and more comfortable in themselves. I wanted to feel that way too. Week after week I cried my way through hours of therapy trying to find out how to develop self- confidence, I mostly found frustration at my inability to get any. Looking back, I now realise something important. My caring and supportive counsellor, the one who listened each week but offered little guidance wasn’t intensionally holding back from telling me how to develop confidence: she didn’t know the answer. Like most people she hadn’t figured out the steps to gain it. Through the years I developed confidence in many areas of my life, and indeed I am happier, bolder and more comfortable in myself. As an international coach and therapist working to build confidence with clients in London and further afield I decided that I would break down the process and understand how to develop confidence so that I can guide my clients through developing and deepening their own sense of self-confidence. The great news…it doesn’t take long to begin to feel confidence, and once you understand how to get it, you can be in control of how much more you develop.
Confidence is how we view our own capabilities to do something. Low self-confidence is where an individual has virtually no trust in their own qualities or their capacity to achieve in one or many areas of life. Some people are confident in some areas of life but not others. For example, I might work with someone who is confident in their work but feels completely without confidence when it comes to parenting their child. Some confident appearing people might feel a lack of confidence in their sexual performance or if asked to speak in front of a group. We benefit from having confidence to help us progress in all aspects of our lives.
Low self confidence can be triggered by one particular event or more generally over time. For more on how low self-confidence develops read my post: Using Hypnotherapy for Confidence Building You Can Leave Low Self-Confidence Where It Belongs…In The Past
Think about it. Abilities, skills and capabilities are all things we have because of what we do. We often think that confidence is about the feeling of an emotion. In actuality, it is the feeling of trust that we hold of ourselves as we review our abilities, skills and capabilities. In other words we feel confident because we do confidence.
To do confidence we need to develop our ability to tolerate being outside our personal comfort zone. We must be able to tolerate the negative feelings that can arise when learning new skills and abilities: fear, frustration, embarrassment, vulnerability, disbelief to name a few while enjoying the successes, the freedoms, the joys of achieving moments of building self-confidence. It is outside of our norm, outside our comfortable ways of living that we call upon ourselves to do confidence…until we feel confident.
Over the years I have worked with many clients in London and internationally to develop confidence. Combining therapeutic hypnosis and behavioural coaching I have developed a method which changes people’s lives and allows them to do confidence building things, to feel confident by trusting themselves and to be confident in how they view themselves in the world.
If you or someone you know wants to build confidence then contact me today.