I saw a picture this morning of a young girl telling a young boy that she was not bossy, but was a leader. As I looked at it I remembered how, as a child I was often accused of being bossy, and how it was always done in a shaming manner. As a child who wanted approval I sought to be ‘not bossy’ without ever asking what that looked like. In my head I decided that ‘not bossy’ was to be passive, to silence my opinions, to avoid leading in a group activity, and to be unwilling to make decisions that impacted others. I worked hard to deny my so called bossy side and became a follower. It didn’t feel comfortable for many, many years but I kept practicing until the behaviours of ‘not bossy’ became habit.
How far away that seems today. For now, I am known as the coach who creates leaders. In reflecting upon where this desire comes from, I see the silenced leader within me who is in the process of being revived. As I do this for myself, I feel called to mentor and facilitate the people I work with to becoming leaders in how they live their lives, in their relationships and families, in their work and businesses, in their communities and world.
Truth is, when I was ‘being bossy’ what I really needed was someone to guide me towards being the powerful leader that I was born to be. What I needed was to be celebrated in my boldness, my ideas, my opinions and my desire to create impact. But I also need held in a safe and accepting space to play with how to do that.
You see bossiness is really wanting to have other people do what you want. Leadership is doing what you want and letting others choose to join you.
If I could have spoken to my younger bossy self, I would have encouraged her to develop the confidence to lead. I would have supported her through the emotions conjured up by those times when she may have felt the sting of rejection because no one joined in. I would have celebrated with her when others joined and the outcome was positive. And I would have explored the learning when leadership went wrong.
The task now is to unlearn the behaviours which deny true leadership and practice those which develop inspiring leadership.
You might be wondering why this is even important, why do we need to be leaders? We don’t.
However, if you choose the path of leadership then you will live differently. If you want to live boldly, feel fear confidently, feel the most alive and engaged and present possible, then leadership is that path. If you want to inspire your children, your partner, your community and the world, then leadership is the path. If you want to leave a legacy, create an impact, leave this world changed for the better because you were here…then leadership is the path.
Contact me on 07753 230343 or by email: firstname.lastname@example.org today if:
You were called bossy as a child and when you look at your life now you don’t see a leader.
You are being called bossy as an adult and you desire to be a leader.
You want to unlearn habits that are blocking you from leadership.
You want to develop true leadership where those around are inspired to follow you.
You want to role model positive leadership for your children, place of business, community.
You want to live boldly and powerfully and have more fun than you could ever imagine.
You are ready to step up your leadership.